Seventy-five years of friendship!
That’s a bond cutting through generations.
Beautiful!!!
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE:
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Copyright © 2011 by Donna Dale Carnegie All rights reserved,
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Cole, Brent.
How to win friends and influence people in the digital age / by Brent
Cole.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
1. Inuence (Psychology) 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Interpersonal
communication. 4. Success. I. Title.
BF774.C65 2011
158.2—dc23
2011030546
ISBN 978-1-4516-1257-8
ISBN 978-1-4516-2916-3 (ebook)
Essentials of Engagement:
1 Bury Your Boomerangs:
Ask both Adolf Hitler and Martin Luther King Jr. for a basic definition of
insurance and you might get similar answers. Observe their biographical
application of inuence and you will discover their definitions couldn’t be
more at odds. The tangible distinction begins with their words.
Pit “How fortunate for leaders that men do not think” against “I am not
interested in power for power’s sake but . . . in power that is moral, that is right
and that is good,” and the divergence is obvious.
1 e former maintains
inuence is the reward of the cunning, condescending cynic. e latter
maintains that inuence is the reward of the trustworthy agent of the common
good. Every day our words place us somewhere between the two disparate
approaches. History details the results at either end. We communicate toward
tearing others down or toward building others up.
To this end, Carnegie was succinct in his advice: don’t criticize, condemn,
or complain. But how much more difficult this seems today. To say we must be
more mindful of our words is an understatement. With an immense digital
canvas on which to communicate our thoughts comes to an equally immense
canvas of accountability called public access. “Digital communications have
made it possible to reach more people in faster and cheaper ways,” explained
bestselling Enchantment author Guy Kawasaki in a recent interview, “but a
loss is still a loser. You could make the case that technology has made it
possible to blow one’s reputation faster and easier than ever.”
It is a good cause indeed, and precisely today’s counterpoint of applying this
principle.
What was once a covert criticism can now get you ned? Ask Dr Patrick
Michael Nesbitt, a former Canadian family practice physician who was ned
$40,000 for posting “vicious” and defamatory remarks on Facebook about the
mother of his daughter. Or Ryan Babel, the Dutch striker of the Liverpool
Football Club, following a loss to Manchester United, tweeted a link to a
doctored picture of referee Howard Webb with the comment “And they call him one of the best referees. at’s a joke.” He was subsequently ned
£10,000, about $16,000.3 Of Babel’s tweet, BBC blogger Ben Dirs noted,
“Whereas a year ago Babel might have let off steam to his girlfriend, now he
has this very convenient—and very tempting—tool at his fingertips that allows
him to sound off to the world.”
2 Affirm What’s Good:
The Academy Award-winning lm The King’s Speech tells the story of how a
common man with an uncommon touch helped a stuttering prince become a
king who would rally a nation.
Prince Albert, Duke of York, had a stammering problem that hindered
every part of his life. He had trouble telling stories to his children, trouble
communicating in public speeches, and trouble speaking on the radio, the
latest technology of the day. In searching out a cure for his ailment, the prince
met with an Australian-born speech therapist named Lionel Logue. Logue’s
methods were unconventional, in no small part because he believed
stammering was as much a psychological problem as it was a physical one. The lm shows how the prince, known as Bertie to his family, resists
Logue’s entreaties, and the rest of the lm recounts the rising tension between
the men as the stakes are raised and Prince Albert, Duke of York, becomes
King George VI, rex imperator, and world war looms.
Finally, in a breakthrough moment, as they prepare for his coronation, the
soon-to-be king snaps and lets loose with all of his fears—that he will fail his
nation and become a laughingstock for all of history.
“Bertie,” Logue interjects, “you’re the bravest man that I know.”
Bertie stops and considers the weight of those words. They portend life-changing impact.
If Emerson was right when he remarked, “The ancestor of every action is a
thought,” then what Logue had done was that most brilliant of inuence
strategies.
1 He had introduced a thought that had theretofore never been
considered. Bertie, the stammering prince, wasn’t weak. He wasn’t a loser or a
laughingstock. The lifetime of teasing he’d endured and the very picture he had
of himself weren’t telling the full story. There was something in him that was
more fundamentally true, something that was good . . . maybe even great. Bertie embraced it. And ultimately he would become a different man
because one person had the discernment to affirm in him something others.
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