Seventy-five years of friendship!

That’s a bond cutting through generations.
Beautiful!!!

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE:

Simon & Schuster 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 www.SimonandSchuster.com 

Copyright © 2011 by Donna Dale Carnegie All rights reserved, 

including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Simon & Schuster Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020 First Simon & Schuster hardcover edition October 2011 SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc. e Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. Manufactured in the United States of America 10  9  8  7  6  5  4  3  2  1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Cole, Brent. How to win friends and influence people in the digital age / by Brent Cole. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. 1. Inuence (Psychology) 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Interpersonal communication. 4. Success. I. Title. BF774.C65 2011 158.2—dc23 2011030546 ISBN 978-1-4516-1257-8 ISBN 978-1-4516-2916-3 (ebook)

Essentials of Engagement:

1 Bury Your Boomerangs:

Ask both Adolf Hitler and Martin Luther King Jr. for a basic definition of insurance and you might get similar answers. Observe their biographical application of inuence and you will discover their definitions couldn’t be more at odds. The tangible distinction begins with their words.

Pit “How fortunate for leaders that men do not think” against “I am not interested in power for power’s sake but . . . in power that is moral, that is right and that is good,” and the divergence is obvious. 1 e former maintains inuence is the reward of the cunning, condescending cynic. e latter maintains that inuence is the reward of the trustworthy agent of the common good. Every day our words place us somewhere between the two disparate approaches. History details the results at either end. We communicate toward tearing others down or toward building others up.

To this end, Carnegie was succinct in his advice: don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. But how much more difficult this seems today. To say we must be more mindful of our words is an understatement. With an immense digital canvas on which to communicate our thoughts comes to an equally immense canvas of accountability called public access. “Digital communications have made it possible to reach more people in faster and cheaper ways,” explained bestselling Enchantment author Guy Kawasaki in a recent interview, “but a loss is still a loser. You could make the case that technology has made it possible to blow one’s reputation faster and easier than ever.” It is a good cause indeed, and precisely today’s counterpoint of applying this principle.

What was once a covert criticism can now get you ned? Ask Dr Patrick

Michael Nesbitt, a former Canadian family practice physician who was ned

$40,000 for posting “vicious” and defamatory remarks on Facebook about the

mother of his daughter. Or Ryan Babel, the Dutch striker of the Liverpool

Football Club, following a loss to Manchester United, tweeted a link to a

doctored picture of referee Howard Webb with the comment “And they call him one of the best referees. at’s a joke.” He was subsequently ned £10,000, about $16,000.3 Of Babel’s tweet, BBC blogger Ben Dirs noted, “Whereas a year ago Babel might have let off steam to his girlfriend, now he has this very convenient—and very tempting—tool at his fingertips that allows him to sound off to the world.” 

2 Affirm What’s Good:

The Academy Award-winning lm The King’s Speech tells the story of how a common man with an uncommon touch helped a stuttering prince become a king who would rally a nation. Prince Albert, Duke of York, had a stammering problem that hindered every part of his life. He had trouble telling stories to his children, trouble communicating in public speeches, and trouble speaking on the radio, the latest technology of the day. In searching out a cure for his ailment, the prince met with an Australian-born speech therapist named Lionel Logue. Logue’s methods were unconventional, in no small part because he believed stammering was as much a psychological problem as it was a physical one. The lm shows how the prince, known as Bertie to his family, resists Logue’s entreaties, and the rest of the lm recounts the rising tension between the men as the stakes are raised and Prince Albert, Duke of York, becomes King George VI, rex imperator, and world war looms. 

Finally, in a breakthrough moment, as they prepare for his coronation, the soon-to-be king snaps and lets loose with all of his fears—that he will fail his nation and become a laughingstock for all of history. “Bertie,” Logue interjects, “you’re the bravest man that I know.” Bertie stops and considers the weight of those words. They portend life-changing impact. If Emerson was right when he remarked, “The ancestor of every action is a thought,” then what Logue had done was that most brilliant of inuence strategies. 1 He had introduced a thought that had theretofore never been considered. Bertie, the stammering prince, wasn’t weak. He wasn’t a loser or a laughingstock. The lifetime of teasing he’d endured and the very picture he had of himself weren’t telling the full story. There was something in him that was more fundamentally true, something that was good . . . maybe even great. Bertie embraced it. And ultimately he would become a different man

because one person had the discernment to affirm in him something others.

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